Double Date

d. Benjamin Barfoot; w. Danny Morgan; p. Maggie Monteith, Matthew James Wilkinson; cast: Danny Morgan, Georgia Groome, Michael Socha, Kelly Wenham, Dexter Fletcher, Robert Glenister, Rosie Cavaliero, James Swanton

Very, very funny – but also enjoyably gory – Barfoot’s debut benefits from crisp direction and a quartet of solid performances. On his 30th birthday, virginal ginger nice guy Jim goes out clubbing with vampishly glam Lulu and her pretty sister Kitty. Making up the foursome is Jim’s disreputable friend/mentor Alex (the always reliable Socha on absolutely top form). We know from an effective splash panel prologue that the sisters are psycho witch bitches, which Jim and Alex discover in a terrific third act back at the girl’s massive country house. The Lulu/Alex fight is a masterpiece of comic, bloody action, and Swanton (Frankenstein’s Creature) turns up under heavy make-up as the reason behind all this. Middle act visits to Jim’s happy-clappy Christian family and Alex’s trailer park dad (Fletcher, killing it as usual) provide characterisation and context, while also driving the plot. Shot in London in 2016, this premiered in Edinburgh in June 2017 and should not be missed. Available now on digital, DVD and Blu-ray.

Enjoy Richard Driscoll's unfinished new website

Richard Driscoll doesn’t have a new film out – but he does have a new website: https://dragonstudios.biz

DRagon is the company he created to release Grindhouse Nightmares – and yes, it is supposed to have two capitals letters. That’s not a typical Driscoll typo, but it is a typical Driscoll idiosyncrasy.

To be fair to the man, the site is not finished yet and still contains some dummy text. Also the Facebook and YouTube icons at the bottom of each page actually point to the social media of this fitness coach.

There’s some stuff on here about Conjuring: The Book of the Dead (“based on M R James book Casting the Runes”) which is the latest incarnation of what used to be The Raven Part 2 and has been called many, many things since then. The Conjuring trailer is just a YouTube placeholder but fear not, Dicky-fans, because the actual trailer is on Vimeo, with lots of previously unseen stuff.

Also listed, rather oddly, is Ossidio Assonitis’ The Devil Within Her, which presumably Driscoll has bought the rights to (or think he has bought the rights to). It’s an odd choice. Then there’s Eldorado, Grindhouse Nightmares (under its original title Grindhouse 2wo), Kannibal, Legend of Harrow Woods and three Linnea Quigley-hosted clips shows: Sexploitation, World of Kung Fu and Hollywood Celebrities Exposed.

Best of all is news on a potentially brand new Driscoll feature. What’s that film coming to cinemas in a few weeks? Joker? Well then, Tricky Dicky Risk-All has to bring us… Jester!

This is the story of 2 men from different sides of the street. The first is Arthur Nemski a Youtube blogger and corner shop worker from a normal background who is dragged into a world of vice and murder. Arthur is beaten and bruised when he stumbles into the world after delivering a bag of groceries. Arthur knows nothing about what is to become of him and his alter ego the JESTER.

Next is disgruntled Police Detective Frank McMillan, who decides to take the law into his own hands after the death of his partner. Frank decides to retire from the New York Police Department and transform into The BLACK KNIGHT a Batman style vigilante hero to enforce his own type of law.

The Black Knight was a working title of what became Assassin’s Revenge which included a Joker rip-off character so presumably the two films will share some content. Or not.

(Incidentally there’s no mention on the site of Assassin’s Revenge or Driscoll’s mooted motor sport biopic Born 2 Race though you can watch a trailer for that here. Nor of his oops-too-late Tarantino rip-off concept Once Upon a Time in Hollyweird.)

All the above will allegedly be available online, via the website, from November. It’s ‘DRagon Online Cinema’ and I’m not holding my breath for it. There’s a bunch of other goodies on the site which I’ll let you explore for yourselves, but do please remember that (a) it’s not finished yet, and (b) lorem ipsum dolor. Richie still has to cross the Is and dot the Ts.

As far as I can tell, DRagon Film Studios has no connection with the existing film-making facility Dragon International Film Studios.

Headshots

d. Chris O’Neill; w./p. Rochelle Carino, Chris O’Neill; cast: Nika Khitrova. Olivia Castanho, Chris O’Neill, Dani Savka, Christina De La Ossa, Thomas Ohrstrom

Passable LA-set, UK-produced horror thriller that successfully pulls off an impressively complex structure and an end-of-act-one narrative switcheroo. British actress Jaime moves to Hollywood, hoping for a break, where she finds that all the women are desperate wannabe film stars and all the men are creepy professional photographers. When Jaime stops calling home, her brother and sister lock up their tea shop and jet across the Atlantic to search for her. Some creepy exual fetishism leading to savagely calm stabbings and face peelings provides the horror and raises the question: how do you get blood out of velvet? London-raised Russian-Lithuanian Khitrova was in Enchantress before she moved to the States. Ex-pat Yorkshireman O’Neill’s first feature was crime romp Absolute Debauchery. This premiered in December 2018 at the Culver City Film Festival. An opening caption reckons 42,000 people go missing in LA every year and “none are ever found” – rather damning of the LAPD! A VOD release is planned for late 2019.

Trash Arts Killers Vol.2

d./w. various; p. Sam Mason Bell; cast: Martyna Madej, Jackson Batchelor, Tritia Devisha, David Black, Simon Berry, Alice Mulholland, Natalie Bailey, Tyne Stewart, Mark Margason

Nine shorts make up this 63-minute flatpack anthology, once again exploring the more experimental end of the scene, manifest in a tendency for minimal dialogue and copious monochrome. There are some interesting ideas on show but they’re frustratingly under-explored, especially Martin W Payne’s gory game of strip-chess Mate. Stretched to ten minutes this could have been agonisingly tense, but here it’s over before it’s begun: a great idea, well executed, going nowhere. Robbie Hampstead’s Final Demand is also a one-gag horror comedy, but it’s a funny one. Thomas J Davenport’s Sad Dad shows promise in its story of a father feeding his zombie son but it just stops with no real pay-off. Probably the most successful clip is kinky scifi comedy Sex Robot from token Aussie David Black. Other film-makers present are Emma Jane Lloyd, Jessica Hunt, Gant Murphy, Britmic and the ubiquitous Bell. There are proper credits for all films at the end.

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Follow the Crows

d. Alex Secker; w./p. Alex Secker, Marcus Starr; cast: Max Curtis, Daniella Faircloth, Marcus Starr, Craig Fox, Matthew Mordak, Tony Manders, Stu Jackson, Ashly Robinson, Alex Pitcher

Bleak, grim and satisfyingly depressing, Secker’s debut feature is a study of Hobbes-ian lives in a post-apocalyptic world, the nature of which is never specified (because it’s not needed). A young man, travelling alone, takes as a companion a young woman, initially with the aim of simply teaching her basic survival skills. They meet other survivors, and so does an older man, making his own way across the landscape. Most encounters end with at least one person dead. Despite its languorous pace and 94-minute running time, this doesn’t feel over-long or drawn out. The unnamed characters are all credible and real (apart from one who, fortunately, doesn’t last long). Darren Potter’s cinematography drains the Wiltshire countryside of colour, but gradually restores it in the final act as hope surfaces. Terrific lead performances and a fine score add to the quality. There was a screening in Swindon in February 2018. Spare cast/crew DVDs were sold online. Not to be confused with Molly Crows, or indeed, Crow.

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Curse of the Witch’s Doll

d./w. Lawrence Fowler; p. Lawrence Fowler, Geoff Fowler; cast: Helen Crevel, Philip Ridout, Layla Watts, Neil Hobbs, Claire Carreno, Michelle Archer, William Frazer, Laura Janes, Ethan Taylor

Fowler’s surprisingly impressive debut feature starts off unpromisingly with a nonsensical scenario but a mid-point twist explains and excuses the curious tale of a mother and daughter in 1942 who leave Kent for a massive, empty manor further north. The cast is solid: Crevell (Survival Instinct) does a good job carrying the first half; Ridout (Dogged) – who looks like an older Martin Freeman – owns part two as a creepy doctor; Archer (Unhinged) has a terrific extended cameo as a mental patient. Sadly the script falls down, with no real clue to the nature of either the witch or her doll (a radio controlled prop). There’s a brief 17th century prologue and an unnecessary present-day epilogue which would have worked better as a stand-alone spin-off short film in the DVD extras. Shot in Northamptonshire in 2017 as Conjuring the Witch’s Doll. The sleeve shows a completely different doll.

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Blood Junkies

d./w. Bruce Naughton; p. Keith Bradley; cast: Sean Hay, Mary Goonan, Gordon Slater

Shot in 1993, the absolute doldrums of British horror cinema, this hour-long 16mm vampire picture is set in a bygone world of AIDS, pagers and smoking in pubs. Predating both the social realism horror of I, Zombie etc and the junkie-porn vogue sparked by Trainspotting, it has an ancient vampire preying on heroin addicts in Edinburgh tower blocks. The bloodsucker (a powerfully disconcerting performance from Hay) comes into conflict with both a senior copper leading an anti-junkie vigilante gang and a council medical officer who falls under his powerful spell. Hugely impressive for the time, it features plenty of blood and gore courtesy of Scott Orr (Zombie Diaries etc) and no fewer than three historical prologues, one featuring a small child who must be about 30 by now! Distribution rights were bought by a US ‘label’ which turned out to be a fundamentalist Christian organisation trying to prevent horror films from being released. After a single Edinburgh screening in 2001 the film vanished but in 2019 an old Betacam copy surfaced and Night Kaleidoscope helmer Grant McPhee arranged a Glasgow screening with forthcoming VOD/DVD release.